Community Members Open Up About Sharing Their Truth, From Childhood Awakenings to Life-Defining Adult Decisions
BY PAULO MURILLO
ALISHA GRAEFE
From Isolation to I Do: Alisha Graefe’s Journey from Rural Idaho to Los Angeles
For archivist Alisha Graefe, an archivist at June L. Mazer Lesbian Archives. growing up as a lesbian in rural Idaho felt profoundly isolating. Born in ‘93, she was part of the millennial generation that saw some representation, but “every lesbian character I ever saw on TV would somehow end up with a man at the end.” Her only queer role models were a lesbian couple who were friends of her mother.
Even as a child, Alisha felt different; her first kiss was with a girl in second grade, and they “would play house and I would be the husband.” By middle school, she was secretly creating same-sex households on The Sims until her mother discovered them.
Alisha didn’t fully come out to herself until college. Meeting other queer students made “everything click and make sense.” She found it “so freeing” to begin dating women and “really de-center men in my life.”
However, coming out to her Catholic, openly homophobic father was nerve-wracking. She had often heard him say, “I’m fine with what they do, I just don’t want them shoving it down my throat.” When she told her mother about her first serious girlfriend, her mother asked, “Who’s going to be the man and who’s going to be the woman?” Alisha corrected her: “The good thing is, neither of us are the man. We’re both the woman, and we both split responsibilities equally.”
Her parents eventually embraced her truth. Last year, Alisha married her wife in Los Angeles. Her parents drove 11 hours from Idaho to attend, and her mother walked her down the aisle. Reflecting on their journey, Alisha is grateful: “They went from questioning me to showing up fully for my wedding. They’re really happy I have this life, and I’m proud of where I’ve landed.”
NiK KACY
From Hong Kong to Hollywood: NiK Kacy’s Tri-Continental Trans and Nonbinary Evolution
NiK Kacy’s coming out story spans continents, cultures, and identities—a process of telling the truth not once, but three times. “First as a lesbian, then as trans, and finally as nonbinary,” Kacy recalled. Born in Hong Kong and raised in New York, Kacy knew they were different as early as age five, relating more to boys but being treated like girls. “In the Asian culture, girls are raised to keep their head down, be quiet and serve. I just knew I wasn’t happy.”
The first casual coming out happened in college. Telling their mother after college was harder; though supportive, she “hoped I wouldn’t have a hard life.” Kacy later reflected that while being straight would have been easier, “I probably would have killed myself” if they hadn’t followed their truth. The real turning point came in their early 30s. Therapy helped affirm that Kacy’s desire to transition wasn’t about societal pressure; “I could not be comfortable as myself unless I transitioned.”
Undergoing surgery was difficult but liberating. Kacy found “the suffering of surgery was so much easier compared to the suffering of existing in a world where I didn’t feel like myself.” A core memory is trying on a T-shirt after top surgery: “For the first time in my life, I could put on a T-shirt and look in the mirror and feel like me. My mom cried with me on the phone.”
However, after transitioning, Kacy noticed the privileges of being perceived as a man and realized they didn’t feel comfortable receiving those privileges until everyone did. This led Kacy to come out again, this time as nonbinary. “Transitioning allowed me to embrace both my feminine and masculine sides,” they said.
Kacy’s mother now proudly tells friends, “I have a son and a daughter in one.” Kacy, now a fashion designer, concludes: “For the first time, I was not just existing, but living as my truth.”
PRINCE JOSHUA. PHOTO: @stevenjamesphotos
PRINCE JOSHUA
From Idaho Roots to Hollywood Stages: Prince Joshua’s Triumph of Self-Acceptance
Growing up in a small Idaho town in a “very Christian, sheltered Baptist home,” Prince Joshua never imagined a career on stages alongside stars like Lil Nas X. His femininity was constantly mocked and suppressed by family and peers. He was “internally very homophobic” as a teen, even though “everyone in my high school knew I was gay before I knew it.”
The experience of his older sibling coming out as trans initially “drove a wedge,” but later became a profound bond. “Once I finally came to terms with everything, it actually brought us way closer together. We had each other’s backs.” At 18, he moved to Phoenix and found his sanctuary in the gay bar scene, quickly becoming a Go-Go dancer. He says he’ll “never forget the first time I got on a Go-Go stage. It just felt correct for me.”
He and his sister relocated to Hollywood for bigger dreams. While his parents initially told him he was going to hell, years of difficult conversation have led to a major shift: “Now my mom calls me and says, ‘I hope you shake some ass this weekend and make some money.’ It’s really beautiful.” Prince Joshua has since transitioned into music, funding singles like “Level Up” with tips from his dancing. He is now focused on becoming known as a full-time artist, reflecting, “I feel like I’m just living out that small-town boy who moved to Hollywood story, like it’s a movie. And I’m still writing the next chapter.”
