KINK In SOBRIETY
Happy Leather Pride! We hit up a few leather/kink men and asked them what sex is like for them now that they are clean and sober.
BY PAULO MURILLO
My first exploration in kink and dominance and submission were completely chemically induced. I got sober when I turned 37 and I actually had sort of a sexual revolution and reemergence of my sex drive. My kink life changed a great deal because of my ability to be more free to explore the kink community without judgment. Service has been my anchor. The thing that I really want the most in my life now is to live fearlessly and just to be who I am.
—David Wichman, clean since October 8, 2005.
Finding Your Tribe
There are a lot of us in the leather community who are sober. It’s just about finding your tribe and everything from there is self-discovery. I’m a fist top. When I meet someone online and they say that they used to be into fisting, but they don’t think it’s ever going to happen again now that they are sober—I love to prove them wrong and show them that we can do all these things that we thought were impossible without drugs and alcohol.
—Juan Rivera, sober since November 26, 2012.
My Wildest Dreams
My sex life today in sobriety—which includes kink and fetish aspects—is more about finding an honest and authentic connection with another person. When I was getting loaded, I was just trying to escape… Getting sober didn’t have to mean the end of hot sex for me. It really meant the beginning of a sex life beyond my wildest dreams. I was able to slowly reclaim a new healthy sexuality where I could be wild, kinky, funny, and free as I want to be and still respect myself and my partner.
—Brien O’Brien, sober since August 8, 2002.
When I got sober I completely pulled away from leather and kink. I had to reintegrate and relearn and rediscover my sexual identity as a sober man… If someone newly sober is thinking of getting back into leather and kink, I’d say take your time, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the process. If you’re into kink and BDSM, that’s a potentially complicated layer that deserves a lot of kindness to oneself. For me it’s been more rewarding to be kinky and sober than it was previously.
—Christopher Swanson, sober since April 21, 2013.
Boys To Feel
There are some fetishes out there where people feel that they need to experience in an altered state of mind, but I do not need that to enjoy any of my kinks or fetishes. I’m a dom. I’m a sir. I’m a handler. I want my boys to feel what I’m providing for them. I don’t want them to dull their senses. In the leather family that I am a head of, drugs and alcohol are not something we’re about.
—Erik Escareño (Sir Wombat), clean since May 3, 2003.
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