TRUE TRIBES
We asked these clean and sober individuals what their friendships are like now that they are sober and how the fellowship of recovery impacts their lives
BY PAULO MURILLO
OPENING MYSELF UP
“For 14 years, finding my ‘tribe’ was difficult—partly due to relapses and partly because I kept people at arm’s length. I carried a lot of trauma regarding vulnerability with men, but attending stag meetings has been crucial in breaking that fear and learning not to sexualize my peers. I used to go to meetings and feel lonely even in a room full of people; when I wasn’t sober, I viewed others as ‘creatures of the night.’ Today, by being of service and taking tickets, I’m finally able to see people as real, genuine, and beautiful. I’m letting go of the past and opening myself up to the friendships I need.”
—Dustin Allison, sober since October 24, 2025.
MY AUTHENTIC SELF
“My friendships in recovery are deep, authentic, and fun. It feels spiritual to finally be friends with the kind of people I always wanted to know back when I was using. Before, my relationships were superficial and based on liabilities: ‘Can you match my drinking?’ or ‘Can you accept my blackouts?’ Today, this fellowship has allowed me to find my authentic self and the confidence I thought alcohol was giving me. We’ve traded the ‘problem’ for the ‘solution.’ Now, we do simple things like walk on the beach or laugh on the way to Gelson’s. We get deep, and then we get funny, rather than getting drunk and blacking out.”
—Miguel Rodriguez, sober since August 30, 2023.
I DON’T FEEL ALONE ANYMORE
“Friendships in sobriety are the most important thing to me because before I got sober, I was homeless and entirely alone. This time, I applied what I learned at the Van Ness House: I made sure to build a close-knit support group of people working a program. I surround myself with those who live by spiritual principles and give back through service. My past relationships were toxic and transactional—always about what I could get from someone. Today, I don’t feel alone anymore. I feel 100% connected to others through that shared spiritual energy where we can be honest and like-minded.”
—Matthew Brennan, sober since August 30, 2019.
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