Keegan Hirst. Source: Facebook
Keegan Hirst, the first openly gay professional British rugby league player, recently shared candid details about his coming out journey in 2015, revealing a struggle far more profound than the public perceived.
A Desperate Decision and Unexpected Limelight
In an upcoming interview on the All Out with Jon Dean podcast, Hirst confessed that his decision to come out stemmed from a place of desperation. “It was either that or kill myself,” he admitted, revealing the immense pressure he was under. Despite the internal turmoil, Hirst was thrust into the spotlight, hailed as a pioneer and a role model.
“I was doing interviews as well. That was something that I found really difficult internally at the time, I was being asked all these questions and touted as this role model and this, that and the other, and I was like, I have no idea what I’m doing,” Hirst explained. He felt like “a complete fraud,” struggling to reconcile the public’s perception of him as a hero with his own feelings of being “an absolute loser.”
Confronting Internalized Homophobia
Hirst, who now co-hosts the podcast Happy Healthy Homo with his boyfriend Joel Wood and works as a personal trainer and life coach, also spoke about his internalized views of the gay community before coming out. He admitted to associating gay men with “flamboyant, effeminate, camp” stereotypes, even recalling how he would “freeze or turn off” the TV when figures like Louie Spence [an English dancer, choreographer and television presenter] appeared, terrified of seeing that in himself.
However, his perspective has since shifted dramatically. “He was so comfortable in his own skin, whereas I was ashamed and repressed and in denial,” Hirst reflected. “Whereas now when I look at someone like Louie Spence I’m like, f***ing good work you are. You do you and don’t give a s*** about other people.”
Navigating Attention: “I’m Not a Piece of Meat”
After coming out, Hirst also experienced a new kind of attention, particularly from other men. He recalled a friend telling him, “You are literally someone’s fantasy, as in a porn search for rugby player.” His initial reaction was to embrace it: “I don’t give a f***, if I’m getting laid and everybody’s a winner.”
However, this soon became complicated. “I appreciate this coming from a very privileged position as I say this, but it just became very apparent that people just wanted to f*** me, just f*** the rugby player. F*** Keegan Hirst,” the father of two explained. What started as empowering quickly felt dehumanizing. “At first it was like, yay me, I can shag who I want and do what I want. But then it became quite… I remember saying ‘I’m not a piece of meat’.” He felt the interactions were “transactional,” leaving him “quite wary.”
Hirst’s candid reflections offer a powerful glimpse into the complexities of his post-coming out experience, highlighting the personal struggles and unexpected challenges that often lie beneath public celebrations.
