BY PATRICK TSAKUDA
While some individuals use the label “bisexual” as a stepping stone while they are coming to terms with being gay (often due to internal or societal pressure), viewing bisexuality as just a “bus stop” is a form of bi-erasure.
Here is a grounded look at why that myth persists and what the reality actually looks like.
For most, bisexuality is a stable, lifelong orientation. Research consistently shows that bisexual people make up the largest portion of the LGBTQ+ community (often more than 50%). If everyone were just “passing through,” those numbers wouldn’t be so high.
The “bus stop” narrative usually comes from two places.
Because society often views the world in a binary (straight or gay), some people do use “bisexual” as a way to “soften the blow” during their coming-out process before eventually identifying as gay. Because these stories are often publicized, people mistakenly assume everyone follows that path.
Many people (both straight and gay) have a hard time conceptualizing that someone can be genuinely attracted to more than one gender. They assume everyone must eventually “pick a side.”
People often assume someone has “become straight” or “become gay” based on who they are currently dating.
If a bisexual man marries a woman, people say he was “just a confused straight guy.”
If he marries a man, people say he was “closeted gay.”
The Reality: A bisexual person in a monogamous relationship is still bisexual. Their partner’s gender doesn’t change their internal orientation.
Sexuality can be fluid. Someone might find their preferences shift over decades, but that doesn’t mean their previous identity was “fake.” For most bisexual people, the capacity to be attracted to multiple genders remains a core part of who they are, regardless of their current relationship status.
