FEEL THE LOVE
With Valentine’s Day in mind, we asked these clean and sober individuals with various lengths of sobriety, what they love most about being sober
BY PAULO MURILLO
THE POWER
“Being sober is the best thing and the best choice I ever made for myself. It has brought me serenity and peace of mind, but I think most importantly, sobriety has given me the power to love myself again. During my addiction, I lost myself. Growing up I learned to wear so many masks to defend myself from the world. I was always upset, thinking people didn’t love me. But it was me putting up all of these masks and putting up all of these barriers to avoid people and to not give them the ability to connect with me. Being sober has given me the power to remove all those masks and to love myself. I don’t miss the loneliness. I like to think I was a happy person growing up, but in my addiction, I was sad and lonely. Having friends today feels like a gift of sobriety.”
—Carlos Ricardo Elliott, sober since March 23, 2022.
REAL EXPERIENCES
“What I love about being sober is I don’t have to do the come downs anymore. I tried to always stay high, so the comedown for me would be I’d over sleep. I don’t miss all those long hours of sleeping after being high. I like that I have more friendships in sobriety. A part of me misses the sex parties. Those don’t really happen in sobriety, but what I don’t miss is being treated like an object. When I’m sober, I feel like I’m human, instead of some instrument. I don’t like being a project for somebody to just have sex with. I want friendship. I want relationships. I want real experiences and when I’m out there, I don’t get any of that. In sobriety I learned how to get a companion, even it’s just my teddy bear, which helps me stay clean and sober for now.”
—Jerbear, sober since December 19, 2024.
GREATER PURPOSE
“I’m a drinker, so being free from drinking has caused this wonderful thing to happen, where I get to connect to a greater purpose for myself, and I get to connect with other people. It’s a sense of belonging and a sense of connection. Alcohol is something that came into my life as the result of working in the creative arts, being in nightlife. I thought drinking represented adulthood and it turned out I drank to medicate my anxiety, and that only works in the very beginning. What I love about being sober is that I get to feel all my feelings, whether they’re good or bad, and I am able to put one foot in front of the other, stay clear, and just ask what I can bring to the world, versus what I can get. It feels like it’s some kind of superpower in a way. I don’t say that from ego, but it feels like I’ve been given this great gift where I can either have faith that everything is going to work out, or I can be afraid, which is just faith that things are not going to work out. Sobriety gives me the chance to live an existence where I don’t have to engage in fear.”
—Mark Nubar, sober since June 26, 2019
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