South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace shared a weird anecdote with her audience at a prayer breakfast. Podcaster Graham Allen’s reaction: “I’ll take ‘what is a sin’ for $500 Alex.’”
ROUGH SEX AND “HIGH VALUE REWARDS”
Where to begin? Perhaps we can start with the repercussions from the depressing High Court ruling in favor of the Colorado web designer who won the right to reject potential same-sex wedding clients despite a state law that forbids discrimination in public accommodation. Or how about the rise in anti-trans legislation or maybe the Texas teachers who were fired for attending a drag show in their spare time?
But wait! Here’s news from Florida, where a manatee has died, not from the usual motorboat accident, but from rough sex with his brother at an aquarium in Sarasota. The doomed seacow, described by CBS News as a 38-year-old named Hugh, suffered a 14 centimeter tear in his colon after “natural, yet increased, mating behavior” with his brother Buffett. The keepers were not particularly alarmed by the incestuous frolic, but they attempted to distract the pair with “high value rewards.”
“Distraction rather than physical separation was chosen because separation has previously caused undue anxiety and negative effects in both manatees,” the aquarium authorities said. Well, that’s no surprise. So it seems this isn’t the first time the manatee department has caught Hugh and Buffett in flagrante delicto.
UC Davis professor Jenessa Gjeltema told CBS that male manatees “are not too meticulous” about who their partners are. “They’ll engage in activity with whomever seems to be in the area, and if that’s a female, great,” she said. “But if there are not enough females around, or there are only males around, they may express that sexual behavior on whatever individual may be in the vicinity.” Sounds like a few close friends of mine.
A SALACIOUS VIGNETTE TO A MORNING CROWD OF HOLY ROLLERS
Speaking of sex, and since we’re not in the mood to cover actual news, I was just reading about South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace, who shared a weird anecdote with her audience at a prayer breakfast hosted by presidential wannabe, Tim Scott.
“When I woke up this morning at seven,” she explained (to the conservative Christians at a frigging prayer breakfast), “Patrick, my fiancé, tried to pull me by my waist over this morning in bed and I was like ‘no baby we don’t got time for that this morning, I’ve gotta get to the prayer breakfast.’”
Of course many people were appalled by this confession. “That’s some hoe talk” tweeted Florida pol Lavern Spicer, while podcaster Graham Allen wrote: “I’ll take ‘what is a sin’ for $500 Alex.’”
I chuckle over their reactions, but I have to wonder what possessed Mace to provide a salacious vignette to a morning crowd of holy rollers in the first place. There’s something very odd about it, narcissistic if you will, and jarringly inappropriate. Few of us care to imagine this middle aged woman rolling in the deep and yet she forces an intimate picture into our mind’s eye—gratuitously—out of some deeply buried need for attention (THE FIGHT psychologists say).
By the way, Mace was the first woman to graduate from The Citadel, the military college that went co-ed in the late 1990s.
THE TALE OF DESIGNER RABBITS IN A PEACEFUL GLBT ENCLAVE
Do you remember the town of Wilton Manors, Florida? It is a super-gay suburb of Ft. Lauderdale, which made history at one point by electing only gay people to its city council. Now, however, the town is overrun with designer rabbits, the offspring of a breeder who left town without corralling all of her animals. Roughly 100 of the adorable fur balls now scamper through the yards and sidewalks of this peaceful GLBT enclave, leading some authorities to consider (cue: “law and order” sound) extermination.
Actually, the town got an estimate from a bunny-killing company, but officials now say they will try to rescue the creatures before taking that step. The bunnies need a special diet and have medical issues, so living in the wild is not good for their health although it’s a damn sight better than the massacre idea.
