MY SWEET 15
Every sober milestone, I find myself eternally grateful for that last bump of crystal meth that finally kicked me hard in the ass. Thank you, January 10, 2007. I owe you my life.
BY PAULO MURILLO
January 10, 2022, marks 15 years of continuous clean and sober time for yours truly. I can’t believe I’ve been free from the shackles of my addiction to crystal meth and alcohol for 1.5 decades. It didn’t seem possible, yet here I am—a living, breathing testament that we really do recover if we have the desire to stop using and boozing.
On the one hand, 15 is just one of those crazy things that kinda/sorta happens when you don’t drink and use no matter what. On the other hand, it’s like, “Fuckin’-A people! FIFTEEN YEARS!”
At the beginning of every year, I have no choice but to reflect on what life was like on January 10, 2007, and my “quinceañera” milestone is no different. May I never forget how crystal meth brought me to my knees and how by the grace of something Greater Than Myself, my ass landed at the Van Ness Recovery House (VNRH) looking sucked up, with my internal clock all out of whack, and feeling crunchy and twitchy AF.
The VNRH is a 12-step program, so it was mandatory that we tweakers attend at least one Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA) meeting a week to connect with like-minded speed freaks. The first CMA meeting I attended was at the Covenant House on Western Boulevard. I remember the guy with the most clean and sober time at that meeting had about four years. Most of us tweakers couldn’t scrape together a week, so we all looked up to that man like he was an oracle. Four years was incredible.
I didn’t know it at the time, but the CMA program was a little over 12-years old in early 2007. The first 12-step meeting dedicated to tweakers was held in West Hollywood on September 16, 1994, at what was then the Alcohol and Drug Center, upstairs from where The Bayou WeHo bar stands today. As of 2020, the General Service CMA web site listed nearly 900 CMA meetings in many states and provinces and in 10 countries around the world.
May I never forget the people who stood before me to share their experience, strength, and hope so that I may connect, and maybe be inspired to live and see another day clean and sober. I owe too much to those who changed my life by sharing what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now.
Fifteen years clean and sober also means I’m 15 years older. May I never EVER forget those in my circle who died during my lifetime as a sober man; either from a drug overdose or from taking their own lives—many because of untreated addiction. I’m forever thinking of you Tucker, Max, Jason, Richard, Karl, Collin, Paul, Kyle, David, beautiful Will, and just too many young souls who were snatched from this earth too soon. They left me with clear evidence that life is precious and short, and the disease of addiction will kill you if you’re not vigilant. It’s no joke.
Every sober milestone, I find myself eternally grateful for that last bump of crystal meth that finally kicked me hard in the ass. Thank you, January 10, 2007. I owe you my life. I cannot believe 1 day has turned into 15 years. Fuckin’-A!
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