[Defending its gay friendly commercial after conservatives threw a fit] Avocado mattresses took to Twitter to recognize “the incredible contributions of our many LGBTIQA+ employees and customers,” which only reminded me that I think our acronyms have too many letters and signs.
BABY JUDGES
I just checked on the composition of the Fourth Circuit, and was happy to see that our side (Democratic appointees) still represent the majority of the bench. Although Trump got three judges onto this court, Obama sat five, bringing the total Democratic judges to eight. There are six GOP-named judges, one vacancy and three senior judges named by Clinton, George W and Obama. So we should be good for a full court review.
That said, I read another depressing article about how Trump managed to name nearly 30 percent of all federal judges in his four short years. Further, the Federal Judicial Center (whoever they are) has calculated that the age disparity between the relatively youthful Trump judges and the older ones means that Trumpy judges will serve 270 more years than Obama judges. Really? Is that possible?
Then there’s another series of articles warning us that the combination of Trump courts and rightwing lawmakers will lead to an erosion in marriage rights. Normally, I ignore this fear mongering. After all, no one can undo a marriage or refuse to recognize one, right? This time around, I’m seeing a number of people explain that they had been ignoring this fear mongering until they saw this commentary or read that essay and now they’re scared. My solution is to avoid reading whatever they’re reading.
Oh, of course I’ll read it. Sullivan and Signorile and whoever. I just don’t feel like reading it right now, for this column.
BAD MOOD RISING
I see from my notes that I was planning to discuss a Michigan Supreme Court case that will decide whether the state’s law against sex discrimination implicitly includes a ban on sexual orientation discrimination. But I figure we can just wait until the case is argued and decided. Meanwhile, I stumbled upon a completely absurd article on healthy “snacks” for Halloween. Let me quote:
“Who wouldn’t like a healthy Frankenstein snack for a spooky and adventurous Halloween?,” they ask. (Answer: 95 percent of all children.) “Although it looks spooky, the Frankenstein wrap is delicious and a healthy alternative to sugary candies for trick-o-treating. The wrap is packed with proteins, carbs, and other essential nutrients needed for nourishment. So let’s make the Frankenstein wrap. Ingredients: Cheddar cheese, large spinach wraps, cornichons, cherries, kidney beans, olives, sandwich fillings of your choice, and pickles.”
Oh my God you guys! Is this The Onion? Kidney bean pickle wraps instead of Baby Ruths? And who says “trick-o-treating?” It’s “trick or treating.” We’re not leprechauns. I hate the people who write for healthtipsnow.net.
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
I don’t know why I’m in such a cynical mood today, but I was just watching a sweet gay friendly advertisement for Avocado mattresses, and all I could think about was how much I could not stand products that use random words to brand themselves in this fashion. There seem to be numerous mattresses that you buy online with, let me say it, stupid names that have nothing to do with mattresses. Purple, Avocado, Nectar, Casper. Whatever. Mel and I have one but I forget which kind.
I think I may have perviously mentioned (with some disdain) a company calling itself “Lemonaide Health” which purports to provide medical services. And while I was checking that one out, I noticed that there’s an insurance company called “Lemonade” that claims to be the nation’s “top-rated insurance company.” Says who, we might ask?
I get it. You’re all trying to be catchy. To bring us up short. To be memorable. But it’s not working because everyone is doing it. Soon, all products and services will have ridiculous non sequitur names that no one will associate with anything in particular. I have half a mind to rename this column “The Biscuit” or “Pumpkin Report.”
Anyway, not only is the Avocado mattress ad gay-friendly enough to have pissed off One Million Moms, but it’s got an annoyingly smarmy narrative about “love” that makes me want to put my fist through the screen, because I’m irritable. Replying to the Moms, Avocado took to Twitter to recognize “the incredible contributions of our many LGBTIQA+ employees and customers,” which only reminded me that I think our acronyms have too many letters and signs.
CONFUSION REIGNS
So what else is new, you wonder? There’s a gay soccer player in Australia. A high school in Ohio cancelled the student production of “She Kills Monsters,” because it has a gay character. A dead character for God’s sake! And the Catholic diocese of Brooklyn fired a veteran parish music director because he married a man.
Meanwhile, in Texas, the governor has just signed one of those anti-trans high school sports bills, but this one includes transgender boys, who will now be required to team up with the girls since they were born female. Some years ago, a transgender boy was forced to wrestle against girls even before this law was enacted. The poor guy won every match, and the publicity led many people to complain in the mistaken belief that this very masculine boy was a transgender girl and an example of why there oughta be a law to prohibit such shenanigans going forward.
There is also a nasty sounding high school kid in Virginia who has been nailed for sexually abusing his classmates in two different schools. I guess he was moved from one after the first incident, which was not bad enough to get him sent to an institution. The father of the first victim says the molester is gender fluid and has been known to wear a skirt. Now, I gather, the story is being used as an example of what happens when transgender students are allowed in the bathrooms, even though it’s not clear a) that the kid is transgender, or b) that anything happened in a bathroom to begin with.
It’s infuriating.
