LET’S TALK ABOUT METH
We asked these three individuals with different lengths of recovery time to share about their experiences with crystal meth addiction and what they’re life is like now that they are clean and sober
BY PAULO MURILLO
REKINDLED FRIENDSHIPS
“Doing meth is like a black hole. When I picked up meth, I wanted to put it down, and I couldn’t. It was crazy. I don’t know that anything was good about it. It gave me a lot of false notions about myself; a lot of quote-on-quote confidence. Then afterwards I couldn’t do certain things without meth in my life. In my recovery, I’m still learning and walking through my fears and thinking about how I can do life sober. My life is a lot better now. I have to remind myself to be grateful and think about where I was eight months ago. Eight months ago, I was in full on psychosis, thinking I had rats in my body and running out to the freeway. Today my life is very simple. I show up to work, I put my recovery first, and yeah, it’s a good life. I get to be a part of my family’s life. I get to rekindled friendships that I put in the back burner because I didn’t want them to know how bad my drug use had gotten. It’s simple a life. I’m so fortunate to be alive.”
—Luis Pineda, sober since January 13, 2021
REALLY FOCUSED
“I have real hardcore consequences from using meth. I developed an aneurism and had to have open heart surgery. It affected my health, my relationships with friends and family, and I lost a couple of jobs because of it. It stunted me from growing and having other types of relationships, not just friendships, but also romantic. Doing that drug for me was connected to sex. Having meth-fueled sex is not normal behavior. It’s not normal to have sex for three or four days with a bunch of people you don’t know; not eating or drinking and using until I reached a point of paranoia. It’s important to talk about meth and sex in our community. It started as a party drug for me. Then the drug took away my smile. I started slamming and that’s when it really turned dark. I’ve been in and out of program for 12 to 13 years. In this sobriety I’m really focused on what I thought meth used to give me. I thought it gave me a connection, but I was lonelier. Right now, I’m really focused on relationships. They give me more than what I think I’m looking for when I’m trying to get messed up on meth and finding companionship. Right now, I’m hyper aware of where I don’t want to be.”
—Richard Hernandez, sober since June 29, 2021
MOVING FORWARD
“Meth immediately took me to IV drug use. I was isolated in a room for hours on end trying to hit a vein, blood everywhere, naked, isolated from the world, and miserable. It pretty much sums it up. In the beginning, my use was tied to being skinny and being able to keep it together. Eventually I was homeless, in rehab, lost my car, lost all my friends, the desperation of it got me to the point of being suicidal. Being clean is amazing. I’m doing all the things that I want to do. I’m in a cycling club. I’m employable. I’m in a real fun and exciting relationship. I’m social. I don’t hide from the world. I see myself growing in different ways. The Van Ness House was my 15th rehab. Now I’m a house manager at a sober living and it feels good to have my self-esteem back. Today I’m grateful to feel grateful. I’m just a human being. I made bad choices, but I’m totally capable of moving forward in life.”
—Alicia Noel, sober since December 4, 2021
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