By Orly Lyonne
We often picture the LGBTQ+ community as one big, unified group, all fighting for the same goals. And in many ways, that’s true! But sometimes, without meaning to, certain ideas and ways of thinking can creep in and make some people in the community feel left out.
It’s not usually done on purpose, but it happens when we let old societal rules, past prejudices, or even the desire to fit in with mainstream society create walls between us.
Focusing on “Fitting In”
One big reason for these divides is the historical push to “fit in”with straight society. For a long time, especially in Western countries, the main goals for LGBTQ+ rights were things like getting married or serving in the military. While these were huge wins, they sometimes put the experiences of cisgender gay and lesbian people (those whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth and who are attracted to the same gender) ahead of others. The idea was often to show that LGBTQ+ relationships were “just like” straight ones, instead of questioning why being straight was considered the “normal” way to be in the first place.
This focus, while helping some get legal rights, sometimes left behind those whose identities and experiences were harder to make “fit.” For example, transgender people (those whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth) often found their fight for basic recognition, healthcare, and safety pushed aside. Their struggle wasn’t just about marriage; it was about being allowed to be themselves, being legally recognized, and being safe from harm. Similarly, bisexual people have often felt invisible or doubted, both inside and outside the queer community. They’re sometimes told they’re just “confused” or “going through a phase,” instead of their identity being seen as real and valid.
Internalized Biases and “Respectability”
Another factor is when LGBTQ+ people unknowingly adopt negative ideas about their own community. Living in a world that often favors straight and cisgender people means we constantly get messages that say our identities aren’t as good. Even after someone comes out and accepts who they are, some of these negative ideas can stick around. This can lead to subtle biases or judgments toward other LGBTQ+ people. For example, a gay man who has heard negative stereotypes about effeminate gay men might unconsciously look down on them. Or a lesbian woman might be biased against bisexual women, seeing them as less committed to the queer community.
This also shows up as “respectability politics.”This is when certain ways of being queer are seen as more acceptable or easier for straight society to handle. People who look or act more like traditional gender norms, or whose expressions are less “out there,” might be seen as better representatives for the community. This can accidentally push those who are more visibly gender non-conforming or who express their sexuality in less conventional ways to the edges. This internal policing of identity can stop people from being truly themselves and make some feel like they have to hide parts of who they are to be accepted.
Overlooking Diverse Experiences
Also, thinking of the “LGBTQ+ community” as one single block can sometimes hide the specific challenges different groups face. For example, what a white, middle-class gay man in a big city goes through can be very different from the experiences of a Black, trans woman in a rural area, or a queer person with disabilities. When conversations and advocacy mostly focus on the voices of those with the most privilege within the community, the unique needs and perspectives of queer people of color, disabled queer people, and others with multiple identities can get missed. This keeps existing inequalities going, even in spaces that are supposed to be about freedom and acceptance.
Moving Forward
To fix these internal divides, we need to look closely at ourselves and truly understand how different identities connect (intersectionality).
This means actively challenging our own biases, learning about all the different experiences within the LGBTQ+ community, and purposely giving a platform to those voices that have historically been overlooked.
Real freedom for the LGBTQ+ community won’t happen until every single member, no matter their identity or how they express it, feels truly seen, valued, and safe within our shared space. Building a truly inclusive queer future isn’t just about fighting outside oppression; it’s also about tearing down the invisible walls we might accidentally build among ourselves.
