KINKY AND SOBER
With LA Leather Pride not too far behind us, we asked these clean and sober leather men how they maintain their sobriety while navigating in kink and leather spaces at bars and clubs.
OPEN AND VOCAL
“The last time I shared in The Share, I was barely dipping my toe in the leather community, and since then, I have competed and won a leather title and stayed visible. I have done all these crazy, amazing things that I was not anticipating, and I did it all sober. I treat this experience like I treat my sobriety, one day at a time. I have taken suggestion and have done the work around it. I’m very open and vocal about being sober. I think all those things have allowed me to thrive, not just in leather, but life in general. Everybody is very respectful. When I go to the Eagle all the bartenders know that I don’t drink. If a group of friends want to do shots, the bartender makes sure I get juice or whatever.”
—David Sanford, sober since March 16, 2008.
PRACTICING DETACHING
“I was 17 years sober before I ventured out into the leather community. I’m now 27. I was involved with the Bare Chest Calendar, and it was like a second coming out as a kinkling, as they say. Having a friend was important, but also just knowing that even when there were moments where they were like, ‘We have to do Jell-O shots’ I knew I could take a break and step outside to have some me time. I’d check in before going out as well. I would not only gear up physically but gear up mentally to prepare myself to be in that environment. That was in the earlier years. Today, I don’t have to do that. I just go out. I don’t worry about it anymore. I think it’s important for someone new to have someone to check in with, even if it’s a phone call before and after. The people who know me, know I’m sober. Having that safety net is very important and practicing detaching from sketchy situations is important as well.”
—Dalton Huckaby Jr., sober since January 2, 1995.
COMMITMENT TO MYSELF
“My gay life started in the Mine Shaft in New York. I always associated sex, and alcohol and drugs with that lifestyle since my 20s. When I got sober, I didn’t want to do anything to risk my sobriety. I stayed out of bars for a while. I created a life outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. I went back to school. I got a master’s and a doctorate in critical psychology. I didn’t engage in going to bars until probably ten or fifteen years sober. I think it was Folsom. That was the first time I went to the Eagle in San Francisco. I started getting involved with the queer nightlife scene. In 2017, I became International Mr. Leather and part of your job for a year is to travel all around the world and go to events and bars and judge contests, and host events and you’re in queer nightlife. My sobriety was part of my platform. I’ve had several people come up to in countless cities across the world to talk to me about sobriety because I am an out man who is sober, so there is no place I can’t go. There is no dungeon I won’t go to where poppers are an issue. There is no dungeon party where I’m going to be near anybody doing bumps of crystal meth. If people offer me Jell-O shots, I decline. If people offer me alcohol, I decline. To me it’s sort of a commitment to myself. I have reclaimed my kinky self as a sober self.
—Ralph Bruneau, sober since July 18, 1985.
THIS PAGE SPONSORED BY
